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Hold On to Your Crotch Rocket! These Porn Star Bios Will Be the Best Thing You Read Today

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In a time when writing the perfect Instagram bio can cause a headache, there might be an answer few have ever thought of before: Find the person who writes bios for porn stars.

When a friend of mine encouraged me to look at the porn on his phone for the savage description of a horny-vore named Kleio Valentien, I realized skin flicks aren’t all about sex. They can also be a great read.

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Kleio Valentien

Kleio Valentien is punk rock’s response to adult contemporary pornography. She’s a bottle-blonde, tatted-up babe with an attitude that makes most men clam up before they can stop their loads from spilling down their pant legs. Born and raised in Austin, Texas, she certainly adopted that town’s motto to keep it weird and freaky. If Austin isn’t your average Texas town, then Kleio isn’t your average Texan porn slut. She was always determined to make a name for herself by breaking boundaries and slamming expectations. Kleio has done all that and more. She can eat a cunt out like a ravished horny-vore. She can suck a dick like a vacuum on steroids. She can take cocks in her vagina or asshole and ride them until the very last thrust. Kleio really shines in an orgy, where she always out-screws every partner every time. When everyone else in an orgy needs a breather or a smoke break, Kleio will just flick the shit out of her bean and keep grabbing at cocks and cunts in a sweaty frenzy. Kleio can be the subservient slave girl, or the domineering queen bitch, and she loves kinky roleplay almost as much as she loves the taste of cum. Her skills have made her a leading star at studios like the punky Burning Angel. Sometimes going by just ‘Kleio’, this girl is an all-year-round holiday for your testicles. Via Pornub

Jayden James

Hold on to your crotch rocket, boys, because this is the one and only Jayden Fucking James. No other girl in the business has commanded such erectile attention as Jayden, with her swimsuit-edition body, gorgeous good looks, and shameless appetite for filthy bedroom boundary pushing. Jayden has been a fan favorite superstar slut since shooting her first scenes while still a wholesome community college gal. Since then, she’s been flexing her awesome fuck-hole muscles for tons of bone thrusters in over 300 films. She’s an award winner of everything from Best Body to Best Orgy Scene, meaning it doesn’t matter if she’s riding solo or surrounded by dripping pussies and drizzling dicks, she always delivers up the goods. Speaking of goods, Jayden has a full house of all the right porn stuff. Her Double D rack has been carefully crafted and enhanced to plushy perfection, and doesn’t it look so good glistening with a milky pearl necklace. She’s got a vajayjay so addictive, you’d think guys were getting hits of oxygen from the way they inhale at her pussy. Once that filthy flower spreads its petals, you know it’s time to enter the bone zone. Jayden’s shapely ass is an absolute dick magnet, and once it’s greased up with a generous heaping of sex oil, like in Elegant Angel’s “Big Wet Asses 17”, where Mike Stefano made her gape like he was opening up a vortex to paradise, you’ll be transported there, too. Via Pornhub

Sara Jay

Lady Jay, Lady Jay, what can we say? We know you’re here to stay with those amazingly massive and booming Ta-Tays! OK, enough with the poetry, because Sara Jay has got no time for words in her mouth when she’d sooner be swallowing meters of macho meat. If there’s one thing that keeps bringing the soldiers to lay down arms and surrender to Sara, it’s her jugs. Take a look at those swollen melons and can’t you imagine suffocating your face buried deep in their hot mama cleavage? She’s got those Double Ds to match her attitude: Down and Dirty. No matter how mature this busty cougar gets, the nastier she likes to take it, and one way this self-proclaimed “most curvaceous porn star in the industry” likes to take it is Big Black Dick, her favorite dish. She’s got numerous awards for her interracial action, because of her love of dark meat, and her curves and booty can rival any Nubian beauty. Off camera, Ms. Jay is less into rivalry and more into good health and living right, and we here at Pornhub commend a lifestyle of staying fit but also keeping it large and in charge… it’s like the best of both worlds. So speaking of both worlds: Tits and Ass, Sara Jay is one burning sun to heat them all. Via Pornhub

Mia Malkova

Some girls are so damn hot that they can get you bent out of shape. Well, tawny blonde Mia Malkova can bend her body into any shape she pleases, and that’s sure to please all of the horny cocks and wet pussies out there. This girl has acrobatic and contortionist abilities that could even twist a pretzel into a new knot. Ankles behind her neck and feet over her back so she can kiss her toes, turned, twisted and gyrating, she can fuck any which way she wants. And that ass! Talk about perfection… maybe it’s all the acrobatic work that keeps it in such gorgeous shape? Who cares really, because you just want to take a big bite out of it and never let go. But it’s not all about body. Mia’s also got a great smile, which might not sound kinky, but trust us, it’s a smile that will heat up your innards and drop your pants. Is it her golden skin, her innocent pink lips or that heart-shaped face? There’s just too much good stuff going on with Mia Malkova, which is maybe why these past few years have heaped awards upon awards on this Southern California native. Mia has the honor of being Brazzers contract girl under her belt, so you know she’s only going for top-notch scenes with top-game performers, men and women. Better hit up that yoga studio if you ever dream of being able to bang a flexible and talented chick like Lady Markova. Via Pornhub

Christy Mack

Now here’s a girl you want to ride like you would straddle a Harley-Davidson motorcycle and cause absolute hell with in awesome filthy fuck fests. Christy Mack is a badass, tatted-up chick whose naked body is a piece of rated-XXX artwork. She started her famous career being a model for tattoo magazines and websites, as well as some photo shoots for Brazzers and Bang Bros. Being so close to actual professional fucking tempted this girl to spread open her legs and take it multiple times in her twat and up her ass. Now, you can own your very own copy of both her fun-holes as Christy has lent her naughty designs be turned into Fleshlights. What’s better than watching your favorite porn slut and wanking it right into an exact replica of her vajay and butt tunnel? Christy Mack was the official Miss Freeones for 2013 which proves her fan loyalty and dedication to testicular stress relief. Christy is a natural fetish freak with a hankering for amazing double penetration, like she might leak out all her sex guts if she isn’t regularly plugged up with dick. If it’s not dick she’s slaughtering, this girl can suck the orgasm out of a pussy like she’s the cunt whisperer. When she played Zatanna in Vivid’s “The Dark Knight XXX”, you can bet she converted tons of dudebros to nerdy comic fanboys, albeit fanboys with major raging boners. Via Pornhub

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Living

This College Dropout Is Schooling Influencers and Startups on How to Get a Next Level Social Media Following

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Ryan Hertel, Founder of Socialocca

College isn’t for everyone. Ryan Hertel can vouch. He spent three semesters studying mass communications at King’s College, in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, after surrendering to pressure from his parents to follow the traditional pathway to money and happiness. Now, the 24-year-old is running his own business — a creative branding agency called Socialocca — in the same field in which many of his degree-holding peers are struggling to stay afloat or even secure entry-level jobs.

As influencers and startups are waking up each day to grind and shine and stand out, Ryan has his finger on the pulse of what works in marketing, what doesn’t and where social media is going. He recently spoke to Better than the Weekend to share some insights.

You’re an unlikely choice to be administering marketing advice to companies. You don’t have a college degree. What makes you an expert? I’m helping people build their brand online. In order to do that, I don’t necessarily need a marketing degree. I just need to have the experience of building a brand. The reason I can even contend when it comes to being in the know about branding and social media and marketing is because I built a DJ’ing business and was successful at building that business by utilizing social media to spread the word and get more than 13,000 followers on Instagram alone. Most people with a marketing degree say, ‘Hey, I know what I’m doing. I was taught what to do.’ I can say, ‘Hey, I know what I’m doing. I used social media to make money for my own business. I can do it for you.’ A lot of people have the knowledge of what to do, but they don’t actually have the track record to prove they can grow a brand’s following. 

Photographed by Lisa Petz

Influencers and newer companies may feel their credibility lies in numbers. Some buy followers to build their credibility. What are the pros and cons to focusing on the amount of followers you have in the beginning by paying for them? People who don’t know what they’re doing who want to be social media influencers do this too often when they’re starting out. There aren’t any pros to buying followers anymore. There were when people were easily fooled and buying followers weren’t a common practice. You can’t fake the following anymore. It’s easy to spot a fake audience today. Plus, fake followers will actually hurt your algorithms on Instagram or Facebook. Less of your real following will see your content. A bunch of fake accounts will see your content and your level of engagement will make you look far less popular than you should be. 

Some services promote buying real followers. Are there any services you know of that do this which you’d recommend? That’s not a real thing. They’re scams. Don’t fall for it. I’d recommend any service that acknowledges they can’t grow your service overnight and one that focuses on goals and not guaranteeing a certain amount of followers. Anybody who says they guarantee results is lying to you. Organic marketing cannot be guaranteed. It all depends on how good the marketing campaign is and how good the content is. 

How important are hashtags in connecting with new followers? They’re not important any more. Plain and simple, anyone who knows what they’re doing on social media doesn’t care about hashtags. They were cool like four years ago. Now, we’re just at the point where some of these hashtags are used by 56 million other people. Hashtags are way too oversaturated. No-one is sitting on their phone and looking up hashtags. It might get a couple more likes, but they’re usually from auto-generated services, anyway. Instagram is now doing something called shadow banning, where they’re even hiding many of these hashtags because they’re trying to slow down the feed. So your hashtag might not even be seen. If you’re relying on hashtags, you have to get way more creative with your marketing.

What is important when marketing your posts? What’s most important, above everything, is the quality of the post. Posting too frequently hurts your feed. Posting quality pics and videos less frequently will be more beneficial, because those posts can circulate for a couple of days if they’re quality posts. People are on social media to listen to what you have to say. It’s now a popularity contest, not a contest as to who posts the most.

Then is consistency still important, or has consistency evolved in terms of marketing on social media? The consistency of the quality of your post is better than the consistency of when you post. While being consistent is important, people get a little too carried away with it, thinking they have to post twice a day at the same time every day. That’s too much for people to take in. They need to be more consistent with the quality of what they’re putting out there and not the time.

Ryan Hertel, Founder of Socialocca

Any tips for influencers and brands when it comes to engaging with their audience? It’s important to actually engage with others and not just post content. Like posts. Comment. Not just on your feed, but there’s too. Even as a business, you want to Like posts and engage on other accounts. Tag people you’re working with. If you’re just sitting there doing nothing, nobody is going to remember you or think about you. If they constantly see you tagging and interacting with others like a regular person, they’re going to take you more seriously.

Where is social media headed? Everything is starting to turn into people asking, ‘What are they doing right now?’ Look at Snapchat and Instagram stories and Facebook Live. You can really cast your entire day on social media for people to see and people will watch. They’re interested in seeing what you’re doing in real-time, they respond to it, and they rush to see it before it usually disappears in 24 hours. When it comes to structure and systems and processes, it’s important to know rules don’t apply. No one rule applies to the same two people or company. Influencers and brands need to start living in the moment and capturing that. The future of social media is immediacy.

And there you have it. Now make like Missy Elliot, put your thing down, flip it, and reverse it onto your own social media branding agenda. Good luck!

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Watch This Solider Dunk for Donuts

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Jason Ciesielski is a Field Artillery Soldier in the Army National Guard and an athlete making his mark on social media. When he’s not busy serving his country, the 20-year-old can be seen on his Instagram and Facebook page showing off high box jumps, dead lifts and freestyle dunks.

“I want to empower people to be the best, strongest versions of themselves,” he says.

Jason recently went Live on Facebook with Better than the Weekend to dunk while treating himself to one of his guilty pleasures — Dunkin’ Donuts. He picked out four of his favorite fried cakes of sweetened dough and made sure he dunked before indulging his sweet tooth. Moral of the story: You can still be fit and eat what you want, as long as you work for it.

Watch and see how he did. Ladies, you’re welcome. 😉

Dunkin' for Donuts

Real men earn their donuts 🏅Ask Jason Tyler Ciesielski

Posted by Better than the Weekend on Wednesday, April 18, 2018

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How to Stop Being a Pussy and Be the Lion You Were Born to Be

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Gentleman,

We are hard-wired to be lions; to go after something we want.

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It’s in our nature to be a total savage when chasing after our desires — despite the consequences. In modern culture, where social media is redefining our lifestyle, we seem to be transforming into this fear-based robot who stays in their comfort zone and doesn’t reach too far.

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My name is Jesse Mundt. I’m a 23-year-old realtor from New Jersey. I’m not worried about remembering Harambe, learning the fucking Juju dance or getting blackout wasted. I’m focused on hitting my goals. I want to see other millennials get as excited as I am about hitting their goals. That’s why I’m here to offer some advice on how to break this formula of being a pussy and finally be the lion you were born to be.

Don’t be a dick. Hear me out.

You’re probably a lot like me, actually. I want to be rich and successful.

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Photo provided by Jesse Mundt

But before we move forward, I believe we have to go backward.

First step in being a fucking lion is to sit down and be your 6-year-old self again — this time with some intellect. Ask yourself these questions: What do you want your life to look like if you couldn’t fail? How much money do you want to make? How big do you want your house to be? What’s your dream car?

Be specific. Your answers should give you butterflies and chills just thinking about them.

Next, dust off the creativity and imagination of your childhood self and dream BIG. Imagine your adult life if your childhood dreams became a reality. (Remember, you only limit your own thoughts. So go fucking wild while dreaming what your life could be like.)

Lastly, find a mentor. Someone who has what you want and is willing to teach you how to get it. Keep in mind, you can’t teach what you don’t have so be careful who you take advice from, especially those close to you. (For example, if you want to make $100,000 each year but the person teaching you makes $60,000 a year, it’s impossible. You get it.)

Being a gentleman isn’t limited to how you respect a woman. A true gentleman works on himself and constantly strives for growth. It’s not only our duty as gentleman, but as human beings.
That’s how he become a fearless lion and takes on the world.

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Are you willing to give up your comfort zone to go up?

I am.

From one gentleman to another,

Jesse

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